Weird Wednesday: ROBOWAR

Rating: 🦾🦾🦾

Trailer

Legendary Italian plagiarist, Bruno Mattei, drops this exploitative Predator riff where large adult sons substitute for hulking towers of muscle like Arnold Schwarzenegger, former Minnesota governor Jesse Ventura, and Apollo Creed himself, Carl Weathers. With names like Blood, Papa Doc, and Mascher, these Italian supermen tear an entire tropical island limb from limb to locate and battle a government superweapon (that suspiciously looks like Robocop) to test its capabilities. Once some wires cross and the automaton sparks crazy, however, the whole swollen squad of BAMs (Big Ass Motherfuckers) find the hunters have become the hunted. They fire rounds endlessly into brush and flee for their lives as the beeping gibbering killer robot liquefies skin with laser blasts. 

I do love the no budget ingenuity on display in Robowar.  The whole movie looks filmed in someone’s backyard at the tip of the Italian boot.  The cast?  Sparse. Just a few guys in some weeds rat-tat-tatting their humongous guns like a pissing contest between brats. And the score? It sounds like someone hit default on a Casio keyboard. Who knows if Mattei had some burning passion to really make Predator his own?  Did the source material speak to him on such a personal level he HAD to helm an adaptation, and probably circumvent legality, to bring his vision to the screen?  Most likely he wanted to make a quick buck on blockbuster brand recognition, like a swath of fellow Italian hucksters.  The plot follows the Schwarzenegger original beat for beat, except with more wandering through the jungle instead of elaborate gore slathered kill sequences and Contra tough guy posturing. Most of the action feels leaden and dull as leathernecks yell into wilderness and squeeze triggers over and over and over in a Most Dangerous Game with the loosest stakes. Even the bootleg Predator heat vision looks pixelated and broken like a waterlogged Sega Saturn turned onto its side. 

But Robowar also has the sense to keep its welcome short, cut to the recycled premise chase, and generally string along action light and fun.  What a joy to watch a movie that knows exactly what it wants and leans into knockoff cheap thrills hard. You came for an elite killsquad blowing up a psycho robot real good? Here’s a whole 80 minutes of metal sparking skullduggery! At times, I feel like I’m watching a bunch of stunted man children play war hero dress up as they try to out-tough Mr. Universe, himself.  There’s something charming about a small cast and crew just getting out there and chasing a crazy dream of making the best dang Predator movie in the world for a fraction of the bloated and wasteful Hollyweird budget. Don’t we all wanna chase a dream, no matter how foolhardy or far off or way out? That drive to entertain and maybe shine makes Robowar a winner. It’s the kind of movie I wish I could see and gasp and laugh and lose myself in with a crowd.  The theatrical experience might be dead for now, but nothing can replace its communal atmosphere.  Maybe some far flung day I’ll enjoy Robowar in a large dark room with other cinejerks again! If Mattei’s legacy proves anything, you can’t dream too big!

You can catch this Weird Wednesday film at Alamo On Demand HERE along with trademark goodies like:

Alamo Experience Preshow:
ROBOWAR An Alamo Drafthouse Cinema style preshow of found footage, custom edits, Alamo bumpers, coming attractions, and a Don’t Talk/Don’t Text PSA themed to ROBOWAR.

Intro by Laird Jimenez (Weird Wednesday and Alamo video team)
Laird Jimenez, host and programmer of Weird Wednesday in Austin and head of the Alamo video team, discusses copycat movies and the career of Bruno Mattei.