I’ve always been from the school of thought that the horniest thing one can do is NOT have sex. Perhaps delayed gratification is my kink, or maybe I’m a true romantic. Regardless, “yearning” is so popular now (think: “simping”, The Bear’s Carmy/Sydney edits, contemporary indie lesbian music, etc.), but I don’t see these so-called lover-girls/boys/theys doing the work to be serious about the craft.

So to help these clueless nymphos, I’ve compiled a list of films in which the protagonists are madly in love—or at least experiencing a psychosis-inducing limerence—but the physical manifestation of their love exists in concept only. In an ideal world, even kissing is forbidden, but I don’t want to be too strict. If you want lessons on how to yearn in practice, keep reading.

Chungking Express (1994)

I know many were expecting In the Mood for Love. Hell, even I struggled to not put that masterpiece on this list, but I think In the Mood for Love has (deservedly) received all the acclaim and adoration from the masses. You could throw a dart at Wong Kar-Wai’s filmography and hit a film that fits the outlined requirements, but Chungking Express is special. An anthology comedy-drama, it focuses on the stories of two policemen experiencing setbacks in their romantic lives. One (Takeshi Kaneshiro), mourns a recent breakup with a woman named May, while the other (Tony Leung), tries to get over his flight attendant ex. Both long for their past loves until the former meets a mysterious beauty with a criminal past (Brigitte Lin) and the latter is comforted by a cute (gorgeous to me), quirky store clerk (Faye Wong).

This isn’t one of Wong Kar-Wai’s lesser-known works, but I still find it to be underrated. The yearning in this one is so explicit, it’s almost illicit. This was the movie that had me clenching my fists and grinding my teeth upon completion. Oh OK, so you’re simply going to buy canned pineapples with an expiration date of May 1 because your ex-girlfriend is named May every single day for a month until your birthday, May 1? Sure. Was there ever a barista that you found yourself drawn to but never pursued and then, the day you work up the nerve to ask them out, you find out they no longer work at the coffee shop? Don’t worry—you’ll see them again and they’ll have just gotten hired at your ex’s job. The characters all have these mundane routines that are actually deep expressions of their devotion. Yet there is no room for sex: our protagonists are too busy being lovesick and good little consumers.

2. Brief Encounter (1945)

This predecessor to Past Lives (2023; could be on this list but isn’t) is another film about routine and finding love in your daily acquaintances. Where Chungking Express allows for patience and hope in our interactions with familiar strangers, Brief Encounter makes it very clear how urgent love is. Laura Jesson (Celia Johnson) is a middle-class housewife from a respectable background. At a train station she runs into general practitioner Alec Harvey (Trevor Howard), who helps her remove a piece of grit from her eye. Both characters lead normal lives and are happily, or at least comfortably, married with children. Over the course of several chance meetings, as their Thursday routines overlap quite nicely, they come to the horrific realization that they’re madly in love.

Brief Encounter reminds us that love is both fleeting and unexpected. Devastation is always lurking in the underbelly of inaction. It also outlines what happens to an unrealized romance. What should you do when you have a perfectly satisfactory life, and your one true love comes along to sully it? Here, sex is the one line that can’t be crossed. As a side note, probably one of the most heinous characters is responsible for one of the most upsetting endings. Why can’t people cheat in peace?

3. Decision to Leave (2022)

This film haunts me. I’m not kidding, I think about the ending near-weekly. Decision to Leave is fun because it’s a police procedural where the investigation of the death of an immigration officer is essentially derailed due to the lead investigator’s (Park Hae-il) intense longing for the main suspect, the victim’s much younger wife (Tang Wei). Morals and goals are compromised as a result of this romantic game of cat and mouse. If you’re a true yearner, the unique position of this revered (and married) detective which allows him to legally watch his suspect (and love interest) from afar while recording and dissecting her every move is probably your wet dream.

It’s hard to accurately describe exactly why this film is an important lesson in yearning without absolutely spoiling it. Even if you’re uncomfortable and/or scared during the viewing (I certainly was), you’re always on the edge of your seat in obsequious anticipation. Tang Wei is the perfect siren: mysterious, charming, and alluring. I even felt myself falling in love with her as the film progressed. Park Hae-il is a sympathetic character and probably one of the few cop characters I feel overwhelmingly positive emotions towards. One of my favorite loops in this film is when he chastises Wei’s character in his notes for having ice cream and a cigarette for dinner, and then later on he makes her a nutritious meal. So touching. That’s the type of shit I be on.

4. Moonlight (2016)

While this may lean more to the drama of the romantic-drama, it is still perfectly suited for this list. It is filled with palpable longing and a balmy lust that’s almost suffocating in its earnestness. Moonlight follows Chiron (played by Trevante Rhodes as an adult, Ashton Sanders as a teen, and Alex R. Hibbert as a child) in three stages of his life as he grapples with his sexuality and navigates growing up impoverished during the height of Miami’s crack epidemic. There are amazing supporting performances from Mahershala Ali, Janelle Monáe, and Naomi Harris. However, the fleeting, yet cherished romance between Chiron and Kevin (played by André Holland as an adult, Jharrel Jerome as a teen, and Jaden Piner as a child) is what makes Moonlight so devastating. Admittedly, I have only been able to watch this film in its entirety once—it’s hard for me to get through it without sobbing. It’s an extremely heavy film, brimming with style.

Chiron spends his days avoiding the hungry fists of his bullies and his nights avoiding the spiteful, glassy gaze of his drug-addicted mother. He finds solace in three people: Juan (Ali), Teresa (Monáe) and Kevin. Each actor who plays Chiron does so with such acute sensitivity and vulnerability, that I feel compelled to close my eyes or turn my head to give him privacy. However, every scene between Chiron and Kevin is burned into my memory, much like it is for Chiron to be honest. Kevin makes Chiron feel seen and heard. One tender night at the beach, the two even share a moment of intense intimacy. Afterwich, Kevin’s role in Chiron’s life is crystallized as a beacon of love and hope. Chiron is so devoted, he changes his name, he abstains for decades, and he drives for 11 hours straight just to have dinner with Kevin. I don’t know a better yearner.

5. Superbad (2007)

For the final film, I was stuck between After Life (1998), Twilight (2008), and this. The first two, while incredible choices and watches, ultimately felt a little too obvious. In Superbad, or what I like to call “the millennial bible,” two loser high school seniors set out on a last-ditch effort to lose their virginities and party before graduating and attending separate colleges. Hijinks ensue. Much like New York is the fifth character in Sex and the City, yearning is the third wheel in this buddy comedy. The origin of Seth (Jonah Hill) and Evan’s (Michael Cera) one-night epic is their desire to impress their respective crushes, Jules (Emma Stone) and Becca (Martha MacIsaac), by procuring alcohol for Jules’ party. There are a few side quests along the way, but at the party, we see both Seth and Evan at their most honest because of disarming interactions with their crushes.

Through these unsettling and frankly, humiliating encounters, Seth and Evan can finally be honest with themselves and each other. While they yearn to make love to their respective crushes, ultimately, they yearn most for their friendship with each other and their desire for more time together before college. After having and resolving a major argument rooted in fear of separation, they meet up with their respective crushes at the mall and there is room for reconciliation all around. I thought this was exactly how high school would be: no one parties until the very last year and we all leave with our virginities intact. Boy, was I wrong.

The 5 Best Movies Full of Yearning