P.I.'s Are from Mars: Revisiting Rob Thomas's Teen Noir

Warning: There are going to be spoilers galore for Veronica Mars, so if you haven’t seen the series/movie and hate spoilers, definitely don’t read this until you’ve watched them.

It’s no secret that I’m a sucker for a good (questionable adjective, at best) teen soap/drama. A CW/WB/Fox romp, if you will. The O.C.? Riverdale? Degrassi: The Next Generation? Gimme. Gimme. Gimme. I also have a wine mom niche reserved for the truly terrible content, but we’re not going to go there. I digress. I don’t care if they jump the shark (hell, I’ll grab a saddle and ride in on it) or sneak in through the backdoor pilot; I will watch every single episode of the series. 

As someone who consumes an insane amount of horror content for the likes of Stream Queen, I sometimes need palate cleansers between pieces, and teen trash is the perfect place to turn. I recently watched Gossip Girl for the first time, and had what I thought were controversial opinions, but it turns out most of them aligned with my Gossip Girl diehards (Dan and Serena SHOULDN’T have gotten married). I finally decided on Veronica Mars for my next dive because I hadn’t watched the first three seasons since they aired, and I hadn’t watched the movie or reboot. And, boy howdy, do I have some truly controversial opinions. 

Before we go any further, here’s my trademark disclaimer: The first three seasons of this show are from 2004-2007, so there’s definitely some problematic writing and content I don’t endorse in any way. Also, major tw/cw for SA and r*pe. 

Before I proceed to casually rip entire parts of this show apart, I want to give Rob Thomas kudos for creating a teen noir. It’s an extremely cool concept, and it’s earned its place in the zeitgeist of the early aughts. Who killed Lily Kane? is 2004’s version of Who Killed Laura Palmer? - minus the iconic Lynchian brilliance of course. However, I already warned you about how the rest of this piece is going to go. I don’t hate Veronica Mars, but I do have some issues with it. So, grab your listening device and Backup because it’s time to spill some tea. 

Firstly, Mac is the best character on the show. You can’t convince me otherwise. She’s a computer hacking goddess who deserved way more screen time than she was given. In fact, Mac allegedly isn’t in season four because Tina Majorino read the script and thought Mac deserved better. I just don’t understand why Mac’s given so much character development to have her randomly fall off every now and then. Also, she can hack things? For, you know, investigations? Make it make sense. 

Secondly, Dick Casablancas shouldn’t have become a series regular. Dick’s character supremely irks me. I understand we needed him for the entire arc with Cassidy and their father, but we didn’t, sigh, need Dick full time. He’s super problematic, and his character arc never really fills out. We get a couple moments of depth here and there, but he never grows as a character. His immaturity is strikingly apparent next to Logan’s character development, and he isn’t goofy enough to be the comic relief. 

Thirdly, Meg Manning is done dirty. When we’re introduced to Meg, she’s great! She tells Veronica she still has friends after being ostracized, and a bisexual girl can dream, but I think she has a little bit of thing for ol’ VM. Duncan eventually dates Meg, and initially, Meg’s still totally fine. Suddenly, Meg turns into a total shit when she “realizes” Duncan is still in love with Veronica. She devolves into a stereotypical woman scorned, and it’s upsetting to watch. She also survives the bus crash, only for it to be revealed she’s pregnant with Duncan’s baby, and then she randomly dies? It’s wild, y’all. 

Fourthly, Veronica Mars kinda sucks. I already know this is going to be the hottest take on this list, but hear me out. There are parts in the show where Veronica is written in an extremely refreshing way. She’s this badass unofficial P.I., and it’s very cool. BUT, there are other times she’s…not. Logan Echolls isn’t a saint by any means, but his character really develops, while hers stays extremely stagnant until the last episode or two of season four. She leads on Piz, she takes advantage of her friends, and, like Dick, she doesn’t tend to learn from any of her life lessons. She’s nowhere near Rory Gilmore on my list of hated main characters, but she’s definitely not my favorite either. 

Fifthly and finally, the series had to end the way it ended. Listen, by the law of averages, it was only a matter of time before I liked a teen drama lead named Logan (and god knows it’ll never be Logan Huntzberger), and I sincerely really like Logan Echolls. I think he’s a complete jackass at the beginning of the show, but his character arc is the most rewarding. Veronica and Logan were never going to ride off into the sunset. Heartbreak is often synonymous with the noir genre. If Veronica Mars got her happy ending, she wouldn’t be Veronica Mars. Logan had to die. Again, I like Logan’s character, especially in the movie and season four, but the series needed this last punch to pay homage to its noir roots. 

There you have it, my unnecessarily passionate opinions about Veronica Mars. Seriously, I woke up to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night and started jotting down notes for this piece. I don’t think Veronica Mars is bad, but I don’t necessarily think it’s golden television either. To take the controversy a step further, I think the movie is one of the best pieces of the Veronica Mars lore. 

As always, I’m not here to say my opinion is the end-all be-all of this series. You’re talking to someone who unironically enjoys the Bratz movie, so I’ll be the first to say TV and film are subjective. If this piece does cost me any relationships though, I’ll still think of you fondly and remember how a long time ago, we used to be friends.