Bruno-Vision: North

Welcome back to Bruno-Vision: A deep dive into the career of Bruce Willis by yours truly, Robert Jordan Hunt!

Last I left you, our boy Bruce had gone back to action in hopes of a sure-fire hit, but ended up with Striking Distance instead. The film is a lower-tier Willis vehicle in the extreme, but for sickos like me that’s sometimes exactly what you want. I’m one of the few though, as the film was a bonafide flop in every way upon release.

At this point, Bruno had more misses than hits on his resume. Any other movie star would probably be begging to sign up for another sequel to their marquee franchise after this many disappointments. Not Bruce though (at least not yet). This son of a bitch put his head down and got to work, lining up four movies for release in 1994. 

Now, this isn’t the first time the actor had a stacked schedule. In 1991, he also had four movies come out, although only one, The Last Boy Scout, could be considered truly successful. But as I’ve said again and again in this column, what makes Bruce so interesting to me is the fact that he keeps pushing himself to try other genres and pick projects with established talent in front of and behind the camera. This 1994 line up of movies is his most eclectic to date, and while not all work, he’s once again established as an actor who refuses to be typecast.

First up was North, a family comedy about a kid named North (a 12-year-old Elijah Wood) who is so sick of his selfish and neglectful parents that he goes on a worldwide search for a new family. Sounds hilarious, right? Despite the bleak logline, the tone of this movie is as light as it gets, which in turn makes for a really chaotic and uneven viewing experience. 

From the inherently insane premise to the dreamlike narration of Willis himself, I must admit that this is a real oddity that I personally find fascinating. Is it good? No, not really. But it does have Dan Aykroyd and Reba McEntire as Texas millionaires hoping to fill the void of their recently deceased son. There’s also Julia Louis-Dreyfuss and Jason Alexander as North’s parents. Dreyfuss is a stay at home mom seemingly more concerned about her social life than her own child. Alexander, meanwhile, is a pants inspector who hates his job so much he also seems to forget about his son. North also visits Hawaii, where his prospective parents hope to use North’s pristine reputation to help improve tourism by using a particularly embarrassing billboard. You also got Alan Alda at his most Alan Alda as a judge. Jon Lovitz as an ambulance chasing lawyer that frees North from his parents. And then there’s Faith Ford and the late great John Ritter as the one true ideal family that North visits. Oh, I almost forgot. The film also gives us Kathy Bates, Graham Greene, Abe Vigoda and Richard Belzer as Inuit people. Yikes!

“Why the hell would Big Boy Bruce want to do a movie like this then?” you might be asking. Well dear reader, let me tell you. The answer is Rob Reiner. At the time, Rob was as big as it got in Hollywood. After successfully making the jump from TV actor to film director with his feature debut This Is Spinal Tap (heard of it?), Reiner went on to direct Stand By Me, The Princess Bride, When Harry Met Sally…, Misery and A Few Good Men. The filmmaker even directed Misery star Kathy Bates to an Oscar win and got a nomination himself for producing A Few Good Men. Why the hell wouldn’t Bruce want to work with him? On paper this was a slam dunk. 

Truth be told, I watched this movie a ton as a kid. Yes, there was the Bruce factor, but also the movie had Elijah Wood as its anchor. Wood is one of the best child actors to ever do it, so to watch him topline a movie at this age is a real treat, even if it’s not outright successful. Also, kids movies in the mid-90s had the craziest plots. Multiple films released in this era are going for that kid wish fulfillment genre. A kid gets to pick new parents (North). A kid gets to play in major league baseball (Rookie of the Year). A kid owns a major league baseball team (Little Big League). A kid sees angels in the outfield (Angels in the Outfield). Baseball was in at the time, obviously. Anyway, I was at the perfect age when this particular subgenre was thriving, and North was right up my alley.

So how does Bruce fare in all this? Honestly, not great. Not terrible, but not great. He tries though! His character serves as narrator for the film, and acts as kind of a dream-like guide for North on his journey as he appears as a mall Easter Bunny, a ranch hand, a sleigh driver, a beach bum and a wise crackin’ comedian. Again, this is all madness and it mostly doesn’t work, but It’s also a large part of why I can’t help but get some entertainment value out of it. I just love that Willis was down to try it. His energy is just a little too low given all the antics going on around him, but again, the fact that he kept trying new things with top-tier talent makes up for it. 

Released in July 1994, the movie made a whopping $7 million dollars on a budget of $40 million. The film was not only reviled by critics, it actually spawned one of Roger Ebert’s most negative reviews ever. It’s an incredible evisceration of the highest level and I urge you to read it. North was an unmitigated disaster. Not good! Our boy has had too many of those! Thankfully, he had three more flicks coming out this year that would hopefully overshadow this mess. 

Next up for Bruce was another genre that was new for him; the erotic thriller! Can our boy dethrone the undisputed king of the genre, Michael Douglas?   

We’ll find out next time! Until then, my friends.