Bruno-Vision: Bonfire of the Vanities

Welcome back to Bruno-Vision! A deep dive into the career of Bruce Willis by yours truly, Robert Jordan Hunt. 

Last I left you, Ol’ BW had just rebounded from a brief career slump with the release of his megahit sequel Die Hard 2: Die Harder. The film proved to be an even bigger box office hit than the previous entry. While critics mostly agreed that even if it wasn’t as good as the original, it was still a lot of damn fun. 

Bruce was back, baby! And now he was a franchise man, immediately putting him up there with the likes of Stallone and Schwarzenegger in terms of action credentials. “There you go Bruce! You’re the action man! Everybody loves the action man!” cried Hollywood, as they sent him more action scripts and more dump trucks of money to throw in his yard. 

“No thanks”, said B’ Dub, “I’m gonna work with DePalma.”

That’s right, once again the actor forgoes the easy paycheck of another action flick or another immediate Die Hard sequel and instead chooses to work with an acclaimed filmmaker. This time the actor chose Brian DePalma, who previously directed Carrie, Scarface, The Untouchables, Blow Out, Dressed To Kill and famously came up with a few filmmakers named Spielberg, Lucas, Scorsese, and Coppola.

The project was called The Bonfire of the Vanities, a big budget Hollywood adaptation of the very successful satirical novel of the same name about a white Wall Street tycoon who finds himself in hot water after his mistress hits a black teenager with his car after an attempted mugging, with the bulk of the story dealing with the fallout of said encounter. 

On paper, this was as close to a sure thing as it gets. Along with Willis, the cast also included Tom Hanks, Melanie Griffith, Morgan Freeman, and a slew of recognizable ‘80s and ‘90s character actors throughout. Throw in an acclaimed auteur director and a script based on a novel praised for its biting look into racism, classism, greed, and politics in 1980s New York and baby, you got a stew cooking! Bruce and the studio financing the film, Warner Bros., thought for sure they had an Oscar player and a box office hit on their hands. 

Instead, The Bonfire of the Vanities turned out to be one of the biggest critical and box office disasters of the brand new decade.

So what the hell went wrong?

Well, for starters, it turns out that when you cast actors for being famous rather than being right for the part things don’t always work out. And in the case of The Bonfire of the Vanities, just about every major character is completely miscast. Tom Hanks is flat out wrong as the main character Sherman, the sleazy Wall Street yuppie previously mentioned. The character is supposed to have a real “Piece of Shit” vibe about him, and if Tom Hanks could play this character at his current age, I think he would kill it. But here, he is simply too young and nice looking. He hasn’t learned how to shake off his “Nice Guy” persona and it completely backfires. He also wears a fake set of teeth that are covered in cigarette stains that just make him look ridiculous rather than disgusting, which is what I think they were going for. 

Melanie Griffith, an actress who has been much better in many movies before and since, provides the films’ sole laugh with the line “You know I’m a sucker for a soft dick, Sherman.” It’s an awkward line in an awkward scene in a very awkward movie, but I must admit it’s one that will stay with me forever.

As for Bruce, well, turns out DePalma wanted Jack Nicholson for the role, but the studio pushed for the newly minted action hero because his star was shining bright. Unfortunately, it wasn’t for the acting muscles Willis was eager to show off, which must have been incredibly frustrating for the actor. 

Our boy still tries his best though! His character, Peter Fallow, is an alcoholic journalist with charm to spare and as we all know, Bruno can bring that charm all day long. He gets plenty of chances to smile his way through a scene or throw out a quick quip with ease. I have to admit though it’s kind of wild to see Bruce and Tom Hanks in a movie together, doubly so when BW looks more comfortable on screen than Hanks. 

Anywho, Bruce also takes part in what is arguably the films’ single best scene which is at the very beginning when a drunken Willis stumbles out of a limo in a parking garage and what follows is a bravura 5 ½ minute single take leading to a party that ranks amongst DePalma’s best, and Bruce is so good! His comedic skills come out to play as the actor stumbles, slides and drinks his way all the way through. It’s a real highlight in an otherwise unimpressive movie. 

It didn’t help that the studio wanted to soften some of the edges of the novel, specifically making Sherman more relatable and sympathetic (which may help explain Hanks’ casting in the film). It was a move that made it clear Warner Bros. wanted all the prestige without any of the controversy. As a result, critics slammed the film, noting the miscasting but also noting the lack of wit and edge the novel was so famous for. Thankfully, due to the ensemble nature of the film, Bruce didn’t have to shoulder the blame entirely on his own this time, with the only real loser being the studio, which saw its Oscar hopeful gross a tepid $15 million against a budget of $47 million. WOOF. 

Another swing at prestige turned out to be another miss for the actor. 

“Fuck it. I’ll do it myself,” said the movie star, still happily wielding the keys to the kingdom Hollywood had given him and immediately started putting together not one but TWO vanity projects to come out in 1991. 

But that’s for next time! Until then, my friends!