Cinema LatinXperience: Mexico: YA NO ESTOY AQUÍ

I’m No Longer Here & Ulises’ Interpretation of Masculinity

When speaking of the ‘LatinXperience’, it is important to understand that, by nature, these experiences are the result of hundreds of years of exceptionally complex interactions of large scale migrations and multiculturalism. To add to this, in all of Latin America, and especially in Mexico, vast differences exist even within ethnically homogenous peoples. With this understanding, some brief observations surrounding masculinity can be brought under examination through the first film of this series, Ya No Estoy Aquí (I’m No Longer Here).

To many in the Latinx community, Machismo is not a popular descriptor of personality and the term is commonly viewed alongside the concept of toxic masculinity, or the harmful behaviors of men onto other people or onto society. In modern times, these two takes on masculinity hold strongly negative implications: sexism, homophobia, an obsession with power or status, violence, and perhaps most notorious of them all, repressed emotions. In INLH, we witness Ulises’ changing interpretation on masculinity based on his experiences with the world and the people around him.

Remnants of toxicity are littered throughout the backdrop of Monterrey, Mexico. Around every corner is perpetual violence, crime, people getting high and drunk. In these streets, youth can find very little opportunity. Therefore, in order to increase the chances of survival, kids, predominantly young boys, are left with no other option than to join a gang.

This can be directly observed with Los Terkos, Ulises’ dance crew, and their acceptance of Sudadera (Sweatshirt) early on in the film. Sweatshirt has just been recently expelled from school and is now running with Los Terkos. And although Los Terkos are mostly non-violent (above all they prefer to dance), they are not entirely free of criminalities.

Ulises and his identity are shown to embrace being the recipient of respect and love from his community. While he tends to be more modest than boastful, he never refuses a gesture of adoration. He is seventeen years old but holds the status of a living legend: the entirety of the Kolombia subculture are in awe of his dancing; his crew uplift his passion; young girls in the street ask to have photographs taken with him. Even crew members of an older generation go out of their way to show Ulises their approval of him being a figure of guidance to Sweatshirt.

It is revealed in an interaction between Ulises and an older gangster that Ulises’ brother is in prison. To pair this fact with an absent father, we begin to understand that Ulises is a kid who has been forced to grow up very quickly. And so, we gain another insight into an environment that expects men to be strong, with little room for weakness.

One day, a violent gang abruptly dismantles Ulises’ complacency. For the safety of his family and himself, Ulises is forced to flee Monterrey for Queens, New York. All of the comforts of belonging, all the clout, it’s simply thrown out the window. Ulises then becomes a nobody in a city of nine million.

We then see that expectations of masculinity present them in the US, just the same as in Mexico. While working as a manual laborer in New York, Ulises’ coworkers start taking jabs at his manhood in all the toxic ways imaginable: they undermine his physical strength, make fun of his appearance, and even question his sexuality. Ulises’ ego is hurt and violence ensues -- physical altercation is the only way these men know how to solve their problems; fragility must be masked by reaffirmation of strength. Ulises is now alone after an obvious falling out.

At this point, having nowhere to go, Ulises is desperate and begins to grasp for anything or anyone. Ulises must adapt in order to survive as his once held role of being in charge and in control has now flipped - he is the helpless one. Pride is surrendered and he starts asking people for help. He retraces his steps to revisit any and all connections he’s made during his brief time in New York until he finds a place to lay his head at night and a way to earn money.

Later, on a depressingly drunk and lonely night, Ulises seeks refuge with a woman who he calls his mother. Here we find Ulises at his most vulnerable point, and fortunately for him, his need for care and tenderness is met with affirmation. Ulises’ previous understanding of his own masculinity is challenged and this sets forth the foundation for a complete and total transformation.

As the film comes to an end, months later in time, Ulises is back in Monterrey. It is important to remember that throughout his journey, the music has stayed constant -- Ulises is the one who has changed. So, as he is on a rooftop, he observes the continuation of gang activity and destruction of his home. And then the music from his radio stops playing but he does not need the radio anymore. Ulises is alone, but within him is a new way to express his sensitivity.